Yep, you read that right. Virginity vs Purity
Have you ever stopped to consider these concepts?
Lots of people think you cannot have one without the other, but have you considered how they are different?
Virginity is not the same as purity.
If you aren’t a virgin, it doesn’t mean you’re impure.
If you’re a virgin, it does not mean you’re pure.
You can be pure and not be a virgin.
You can be a virgin and be impure.
Not being a virgin does not make you impure.
Being a virgin does not make you pure.
Today, I am going to talk about the lie I’ve grown up believing, confess some sin, and encourage some of my fellow imperfect people 😉
My Untold Story
Before I begin, I want to say that the Lord has had this on my heart for a while now, but I have been afraid.
My grandparents read my blog, the girls I lead at church, strangers, etc. Things on the internet last forever, and there’s no way to know how this information will be handled.
But the Lord has redeemed me, and no one ever really speaks out about this, so I feel like I have to take this step of faith and be honest about my past.
I’ve written my testimony on here in several different ways, but I’ve never opened up about my sin and past struggles.
So I ask that you please move forward with an open heart, asking the Lord to open your eyes to the things He wants to show you through this blog post.
I grew up in a Christian household, going to church and being influenced by the community around me.
I was blessed to grow up learning about the love of Jesus and how he died for everyone’s sin.
I was taught the 10 Commandments and how they are all equal, YET the two that always to seemed stick out as being especially bad were murder and adultery.
Although it was never blatantly said to me, the way modesty and purity were addressed always cast a dark shadow on sexuality.
On the rare occasion that adultery or sexuality was addressed in Christian conversation, it was always “Don’t have sex outside of marriage” and “Be faithful to your spouse.”
This instilled in me the belief that as long as you didn’t have sex, you were fine. This also instilled in me judgment against anyone who went all the way.
I grew up thinking that purity came from being a virgin.
I grew up thinking that being a virgin was a badge of honor. It was an identity I clung to. I felt that I was a good Christian because I had not physically lost my virginity.
Maybe y’all have experienced some of this?
I want to apologize to anyone who has been hurt by people who think like I used to.
I know lots of Christians feel shame when virginity comes up because of what they have done in the past, but shame is not from the Lord. You are not damaged goods, an outcast, or a slut. You are no lesser if you have lost your virginity, and I am so sorry if anyone has ever made you feel like that.
I lived the majority of my life thinking that because I was a virgin I was pure and all of my other actions were not sin.
But being a virgin did not make me pure.
The truth is, I wasn’t pure. I was extremely impure. (Romans 2:22)
On the outside, people saw me as the front I put up. I was the good girl — the “goody two shoes” and “teacher’s pet.” It’s usually assumed that I don’t cuss, watch rated R movies, or understand explicit jokes. I’m usually considered the innocent girl.
But what about behind closed doors? What about the thoughts in my head and feelings inside my heart? Everyone leads a secret life. There are always things people don’t know about someone.
My sin was secretive and dirty. It controlled my life and is still something that tempts me from time to time.
My sin was lust.
My lust evolved throughout my childhood and into my teen years. When I was in 4th grade, I would look up videos online, searching for answers. My curiosity got the best of me, and my secret sin began to flourish. Eventually that died down, but it was quickly replaced by movies with graphic scenes. This was not as obvious or as sneaky (or as frowned upon), but it still ignited the sinful desires in my life. The height of my lust came out in my dating relationships when making out got out of hand and impure thoughts and desires were inflamed.
I made excuses for my sin, holding onto the lie that because I wasn’t going all the way I was not sinning.
I didn’t understand why this was destroying me on the inside and bringing me so much pain because I had always been told that sexual immorality was having sex outside of marriage.
It wasn’t until Gauntlet after my junior year that I put a name to the sin.
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” – Galatians 5:19-21
Did y’all read that last part? Anyone doing any of those things is sinning.
My heart stopped when I first read it, and I immediately had a conversation with one of my leaders.
I had been so full of pride that I was blind to the real issues in my life.
I ended up confessing my sin to a whole bus full of teen girls, and the Lord completely rid me of the shame in my heart.
The Lord is still renewing my heart and mind when it comes to these things. It is a daily fight for not only my own purity but also the purity of those around me (“Love does no wrong to others” – Romans 13:10).
Now that you understand where I am coming from, I want to talk to the people who are struggling with lust and impurity for a bit.
The Truth About Lust
The reason lust is such a big deal and so spiritually painful is because…
“anyone who looks at another with lustful intent has committed adultery in their heart” – Matthew 5:28
The Bible is saying that impure thoughts and actions (that are not necessarily sex) are just as sinful and harmful as physical adultery.
In my own life, even though I was not physically committing adultery, spiritually I was… a lot.
This means that adultery isn’t just “Don’t have sex outside of marriage” and “Be faithful to your spouse, ” so please don’t convince yourself that your “lustful pleasures” are not sin.
The Bible says that
“there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” – Ephesians 5:3
I urge you not to get trapped in the lie that as long as you aren’t having sex you’re fine. Even a hint of sexual sin is not good.
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18
I pray you will run!
Run from inappropriate thoughts, sexually explicit videos / books (pornography), and masturbation! Please stop prancing around physical boundaries, and honor the Lord with your bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)! Protect your purity and guard your heart!
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” – Proverbs 4:23
“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind” – Matthew 22:37
Speaking of the heart…
The Truth About Purity
Purity is a condition of the heart; it is freedom from immorality, not just of a sexual nature.
‘Who can say, “I have cleansed my heart;
I am pure and free from sin”?’ – Proverbs 20:9
“But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.” – Matthew 15:18-19
Breaking news: Purity is not just for virgins. Everyone needs to be purified. Every form of sin is impure and makes us impure.
Purity does not come from virginity.
Purity is the opposite of sin.
Purity is cleanliness. It is redemption. It is freedom.
Purity comes from salvation
The Good News
Whether you’re a virgin or not, struggling with lust or not, sinning at this very moment or not, there is purity and redemption for you.
“Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.” – Ephesians 5:25-27
Jesus came to earth and lived a perfect life, a pure and holy life. He never sinned, he never looked at another with lust or hatred. He was never envious or did wrong. He was kind and loving. He was wise and loved the Father with everything in him.
Because we are the opposite of all those perfect things, we needed a Savior. Jesus came to be our Savior. He took on the punishment we deserve for our sins, impurities, and filth (Isaiah 53:5). We were sinners, and He died for us (Romans 5:8).
When Jesus laid down his life, he gave us his purity. He gave us his holiness and took away our sin.
Through Him, we are made holy, clean, washed, glorious, without a spot, without a wrinkle, without a blemish, blameless, without fault, forgiven, new, redeemed, beautiful, worthy of love.
He came, so we could have a full life (John 10:10)
He also says, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11)
So I encourage you to…
“throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy” – Ephesians 4:22-24
Live a new life; Jesus died for your holiness, so live that life he bought for you!
One of the best things you can do when struggling with lust (or any other sin) is to reach out to someone for help. Confess your sins; let someone be your accountability partner, someone who will encourage you and pray for you.
We all sin; we all have temptations and struggles. Let’s be united in fighting the good fight together.
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” – James 5:16
Walk in freedom! The Lord paid a high price for you!
You are so loved. And I would love to talk to you and pray for you! Don’t hesitate to reach out about anything