I had plans for today when I went to bed last night. I knew how my morning was going to go and then I was expecting a visitor around lunch time. Well the morning bled into the afternoon and my heart started to sink. My expectations were not met, and I was left confused and uncertain.
I hate when (loose) plans fall through or things do not go as I imagined. It fills me with unrest and discomfort. I feel unprepared and that my preparations were in vain. I feel forgotten and lonely.
This pressure in my mind builds up as the waiting and uncertainty continues and eventually I become frustrated. And then I get frustrated at myself for feeling upset about something so insignificant in the big picture. Confessing my feelings to others is especially overwhelming and usually makes me cry, so I often don’t and continue to bottle them up. I go from being sad to frustrated and then to feeling ashamed, repeating the cycle until I go to bed (sometimes being distracted can help but there is always something off that others can pick up on). It takes a lot in me not to break down, especially when people ask me what’s wrong.
There are a few reasons I do not always come out and say it. Sometimes I cannot pinpoint what is wrong, sometimes I don’t feel like I have the space to open up about how I’m really doing, but mostly I’m scared others will belittle me and confirm my worst fear–that my feelings aren’t valid and that no one understands me.
Well, I’m here to say that MY FEELINGS ARE VALID!
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID
STOP BELITTLING OTHERS FOR FEELING STRONGLY ABOUT ANYTHING!
I had not been planning on writing a blog post, and I especially hadn’t considered writing about this topic. If you have read through my blog or know my heart behind the blog (Why “Being Moody?”) or know me personally, you know I am a pretty emotional person. Some people might say it is because I’m a woman or because I‘m a Type 4 on the enneagram (the Romantic or Individualist); however that is not who I am.
I am a child of God, made in his likeness; therefore I have his heart and experience feelings like He does. (Genesis 1:26)
This means that men, other enneagram types, emotionally repressed individuals, and/or WHOEVER else can feel emotions, because they are humans created in God’s likeness! Not only is it okay, but it is GOOD.
We were created with awareness and knowledge. We have understanding! Our hearts have been intricately designed to not only feel love for others but also to ache for all the broken things in the world.
You were meant to feel things; what matters is how we respond!
Turn to God
Confess the feelings in your heart. Pray for everything that is bothering you! The Holy Spirit groans alongside you, begging for God’s hand to be at work (Romans 8:26-27)! Can you imagine that? How deeply the Spirit loves us and pleads on our behalf!
You are not alone
Remember David? Never have I read such outpouring of the soul! He told God exactly how he felt! He felt things so deeply, and he devoted his heart to the Lord (for more about David being so emotional click here)
Also, remember Jesus in the garden? He was experiencing such intense emotions (he was “in such agony of spirit”) that he was SWEATING BLOOD (Luke 22:44).
“…I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” – Isaiah 41:10
Remember that feelings are not the end all be all.
The truth is that feelings are not the Bible, and they are not the source of truth. We need to use our emotions as a tool to draw us closer to the Lord. We need to find more of him when we are upset and things are not going our way.
We need an extra dose of self control when we are not feeling ourselves (Titus 2:11-12). We need to not lash out in anger, controlling our tongues (James 3:6). Continuing to press on and love well even when we are feeling unloved (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). We need to not step out in sin because it feels right (Hebrews 11:25). We need to hold onto what we know about God and his truths rather than our fleeting emotions. (Jeremiah 17:9)
“God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything” – 1 John 3:20
In closing, I want to leave two categories of people with some things I have learned and am still learning. GRACE
(1) Here are some affirmations/tips for you when you are the one being moody
- Acknowledge and confess your feelings — express your emotions! (in a self controlled way ofc)
- Know It’s okay to feel things even when it doesn’t logically make sense for you to feel that way
- You don’t have to have a reason to cry; let it out! You’ll feel better; do not feel guilty or dumb! Release those feelings!
- Remember you are not alone — there are people who understand, and the Holy Spirit is with you and understands your heart completely
- Allow someone to speak truth into you; talk to someone who you can trust will validate your feelings but also give wisdom
“Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding” – Proverbs 2:2
(2) Some tips for those who are handling someone that is being moody. If you want your loved ones to be honest with you about how they feel, follow these guidelines! Be grateful that someone feels comfortable enough to open up to you and be vulnerable about the secret feelings and emotions in their heart!
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” – Ephesians 4:32
- Be there for them, someone they can trust
- Validate their feelings — let them know it is okay to be upset
- Do not tell them to stop or suck it up/ get over it
- Do not say that there is nothing to be upset about — they do not need a reason (and if they have one it doesn’t matter how big or small it is! It affects them and they have the right to care)
- Comfort them!! specifically how they like to be comforted (Love Languages!)
- Give them your full attention, especially if they are verbally expressing what is wrong/ weighing on their hearts! Do not interrupt! Let them let it all out!
- Give them the physical space / environment to be vulnerable — get out of a crowd, have a private conversation … Do not draw more attention/ embarrass them
- Do not make fun of them! Don’t treat it like a joke
- Try to understand and speak wisdom — don’t just give your opinion, give God’s
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” – Proverbs 18:2
I love you. I am so grateful for this space to be open with my own (sometimes seemingly insignificant) emotions and feelings. If you need someone to listen to the outpourings of your heart, please reach out! I have someone in my life who constantly validates my feelings even when they seem so stupid to me; let someone be that for you!
Here’s a Bible verse to reflect on ❤ it put me in my feels when I found it
“Laughter can conceal a heavy heart,
but when the laughter ends, the grief remains” – Proverbs 14:12-13
throwback pic to show how emotional I have always been