Something the Lord is still having to change my heart about in this season is why I’m doing what I’m doing.
Why am I serving the Lord? Why am I striving? Why do I try so hard? Why do I care so much about what people think? Why do I always want to be the best? Why do I worship? Why does it effect me so greatly when I fail and when I can’t invest in as much as I want? Why do I feel like this weight is on my shoulders that only I can carry?
I’ve been reading the Gospels in chronological order over the last few months, & I just finished today. It’s been so so good. It’s been eye-opening, it’s been faith-stirring, & it’s been confidence-building.
I have a confession; for so many years, I practically refused to read the Gospels because it seemed so repetitive. I grew up in church hearing all these stories and felt like I got nothing out of rereading them. But I felt convicted to read them about 6 months ago, and I obeyed. I’m so glad I did; once again, the Lord revealed his faithfulness not only to me but to his people thousands of years ago.
I had plans for today when I went to bed last night. I knew how my morning was going to go and then I was expecting a visitor around lunch time. Well the morning bled into the afternoon and my heart started to sink. My expectations were not met, and I was left confused and uncertain.
Wow, never in a million year would I have expected us to be here. Quarantined to our homes. Forced to sit and reevaluate where we are in life. Looking from the outside, this is huge and kinda scary and pretty boring. I hate having to stop; I love being busy. If you know me, you know my schedule is always jammed pack, especially during the summer and other vacations. Well now, I am being forced to stay in one building, with my family, away from my beloved University. I can’t even go to church–what?!
I am a part of an amazing college-small group with my friends from church, and it has been so good for my soul the past few months. We have all become such good friends, and I love each and every one of the girls in my group. Over the last few months, we have taken turns leading, and I got to lead on February 11.